I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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