I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
