i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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