I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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