thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
