Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
