saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
