Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
