tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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