I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
