I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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