i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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