I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
