I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
