DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
