There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just gargled with NyQuil
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