so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize