my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
