i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
