I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
