my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
