Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
