I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
