It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
