Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
