I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
