How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
