Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
