Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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  (518): He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/iuj0
  Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (2420)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

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  (917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him http://tfl.nu/5c6r
  Replies (144) Good night (17685) Bad night (2938)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

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  (214): It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire. http://tfl.nu/v2n0
  Replies (19) Good night (5365) Bad night (1436)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

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  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (6985) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

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  (262): Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole. http://tfl.nu/sreo
  Replies (21) Good night (1089) Bad night (5159)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?

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  (989): is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off? http://tfl.nu/j7cy
  Replies (15) Good night (4663) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

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  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8253) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW

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  (778): I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on (778): SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW http://tfl.nu/dpzm
  Replies (1) Good night (741) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs

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  (802): Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs http://tfl.nu/usn4
  Replies (4) Good night (358) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Welcome to Philly.

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  (609): I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever. (215): Welcome to Philly. http://tfl.nu/1k71
  Replies (3) Good night (586) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.

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  (209): DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now. http://tfl.nu/drmi
  Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.

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  (316): I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny. http://tfl.nu/2qsg
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.

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  (323): Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically. http://tfl.nu/tya7
  Replies (5) Good night (520) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"

  (516): View more from New York

  Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton

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  (267): There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians" (516): Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton http://tfl.nu/e4k4
  Replies (3) Good night (571) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.

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  (+44): They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota. http://tfl.nu/vw9g
  Replies (3) Good night (868) Bad night (165)

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