I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.