yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
