he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night