How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
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Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.