i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.