whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
