Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
