I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
