This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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