so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
