My hand turned me down
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
