im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
