I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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