is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
