How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
