we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
