oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
