who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize