There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
