I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
