I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
