No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
