my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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