I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
