Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize