So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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