Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
