he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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