im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
