they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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