I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You smell like stripper and shame
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
