I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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