Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
