fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
