so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
