In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
