I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize